Well, it’s the bank holiday weekend yet again and I’m also working…yet again! I’m mentally preparing myself for the hell that will be work tonight…

Have employed a handful of new staff especially for this weekend of which three were brilliant and actually willing to er…work. Had an unfortunate misjudgement of picking an absolutely useless guy to glass collect for us. He rolled in at 9pm and left before 11pm as he ‘had to pick somebody up from the airport.’ Erm darling, you are meant to be WORKING no?! It wouldn’t have been so downright irritating if he hadn’t previously pestered and pleaded for work in the past weeks.

He also had the cheek to demand his wage (which will probably be £10 with the stupid hours he worked) and demand extra work on different days. Jog on, love.

Working in a bar really does come with its own Shock factor. I could not even begin to list all of the freaky, dirty moves that yorkshire ladettes seem to pull on the dancing poles. Lets just say that underwear should be an unspoken rule on a night out people…

I must be getting used to the drunken idiots who come into my bar on a night now. I think I’ve perfected the ‘don’t you dare even look at me’ glare.

Had a school disco night the other night which turned out rather fun. I’m glad the whole staff got into the spirit and dressed up in school boy/girl attire. The same sadly, could not be said for our customers. Although they did enjoy the free lollipops….

Why is it that as soon as you peg your washing out to dry the heavens open? I got caught in one of these situations today and ended up more soaked than the clothes by the time i’d gathered them all up. Time for another spin in the washer I think.

Was talking to my Mum today about diets and eating properly. She amusingly told me that everytime she eats something bad she ‘feels a fool’ afterwards. I can’t help shouting…’Yowre gown’ feel a damn fool after that!’ every time I see her with something less than healthy in hand. Oh how amusing I am…

I finally have a night off from the bar tomorrow night and am getting rather excited to have a proper night out. I’m going out with the girls from work which I was worried about before, but now it seems they are even wilder than me so there shouldn’t be any problems! I’ve already got half of my ‘fake bake’ sorted and am now going to sit down with a cup of tea and watch The Chronicles of Narnia before having a nice, early night….

On a last note my horoscope for today has been particularly worrying…’You need to spend a little more time looking at what you’re doing. This fast track may feel good, but it is not doing your long-term security any favours.’

Damn, I guess watching The Hills, shopping a little and drinking tea isn’t working out for me as a life plan after all.

What a busy few days I’ve had! This is the first time I’ve had chance to sit down and write anything half decent!

Had a special man ask for my hand in marriage at work the other night. He saw my Swarovski rock on my finger and asked if I was already married and why ever not?! My friend asked me if I was going to accept his offer..I replied:
‘Yes darling of course. I do love a slightly balding, old drunk man who looks down my top rather than into my eyes over his pint of Johns and tells me I should have a license for my assets…’ Oh my!

Tonight I’m hostessing a big work event where I shall be accompanying the Mayor. I shall need to find a decent dress in time…better go stress over the wardrobe for a few hours and perfect my tan…

Went to visit Mums aunt M in hospital tonight. She had a suspected heart attack but is on top form considering. Aunt M is 93 and has always veered onto the cantankerous way of behaving.

Found out tonight that she’d drank half a (large) decanter of sherry to herself back home a few days ago…there is no wonder her tickers on the blink! She’s 93 and raving it up like a character of the skins cast for Christ sake! We even got complaints from her neighbours that she was blasting out music in the middle of the night…rock on Aunt M, rock on!

Had a very interesting conversation with her about pimps and prostitutes this evening. She seemed quite bemused by the whole whoring out process and told me which parts of Paris hosted the ‘rude shows’, oh M, you dark dark horse!

She spoke to me of how I frequently run in Leeds to attempt to get fit and oddly remarked (in her queens English accent which has gained her the nickname Duchess), ‘Oh! I hope you don’t go out running naked!’
My reply: ‘Heavens no! Only on the weekends!’

Oh her face was a picture.

Had a leaving party for G at work last night, it was very eventful…so eventful that I didn’t leave until 8am this morning.

Ended up dancing on the tables and poles in what can only be described as a Tina Turner ‘fro’ and a long fur coat, faux of course. You wouldn’t find me anywhere close to wearing a real fur…

I think the highlight of the evening was when J & myself visited a cash machine whilst he was in his pj’s. A very drunk boy approached us..this is how it went:

Drunk boy: ‘Wow! You two look like a model couple! Are you together?!’
Me & J: ‘No!’
J: ‘I’m gay anyway!’
Drunk boy: ‘Well, you both look like supermodels, like really good models for like…umm…*thinks for a little while*..GEORGE!!!’
Me & J: ‘Eurgh! Is Asda’s fashion really the best you could come up with?!’

*And walk away in disgrace…*

You know when you overhear drunk people talking? Well, they always seem extremely enthusiastic over the smallest mundane thing. I think the funniest thing I heard from said drunk people last night was a little song a group of hard-faced looking men were singing to themselves on their journey around town..

‘Were going to get some ketchup, some ketchup tha knows! Cos’ we’re going to Greggs for juicy SAUSAAAAGGGEEEE ROOOLLLLLSSSS!!!!!’…

Oh what lyrical gangsters they are…

I’m so glad I have friends who say things as stupid as I do at times…

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W: ‘Why did you call our photo album carbonara? What is it anyway? Some sort of cocktail?’
K: ‘Erm…no W, it’s food. A pasta dish. Like creamy stuff and bacony things..’
W: *laughing* ‘Well, it sounds exotic. I wish it was a cocktail. I could imagine being in a classy bar…Hello barman, can I have a carbonara cocktail please?’
I think we have a new idea…The exclusive Carbonara Cocktail…shaken, not simmered! Oh my…

W went for an interview today, I asked her what it was for..

W: ‘I’m not sure, I’ve applied for that many I can’t remember who they are…’

Can you imagine if they ask her why she wants to work for them? Hmm, just remind me who you are and what you do and I’d be happy to tell you why if it takes my fancy…

Went to B’s tonight for a get-together with the girls. It consisted of lots of Malibu, Chinese and laughter. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in a very long time! My cheeks ache and my stomach feels like it’s been put through a hundred crunches!

Met W’s friend from down South tonight, G. She’s absolutely hilarious in a very untrying way. Definitely somebody we’d invite over again!

Found out so many secrets about the girls tonight, I would tell you but then it wouldn’t be a secret anymore would it. Shame!

Started the day off rather unfortunately by having to sit in the car for 15 minutes before I dared enter the post office. The local psychotic man was stood right at the main doors and nooo way was I going to battle with that this morning. If he had his cute dog with him it may have been debatable but it turns out all he was bearing was a bicycle.

How nosey are postmen? Got my items weighed that I was sending in the post and all he asked each time was…’How much is this worth?’ ….Why? Are you going to steal it and flog it?…how very rude!

One would never have thought that printing address labels could be so infuriating and stressful. It took me no less than three hours and two office trips to master the little blighters. Between lining up the wording and making sure the information was relayed from printer to page, I gained a massive headache and an extensive knowledge to the ‘merge’ button. These things are sent to try us…

I’ve decided to add another entry today for the sheer hell of it. So much to say and so little time!

Went for a run with S the dog earlier and had a very nice time. I was happily surprised at how well behaved she was. S is L’s grandmas dog and lives on a farm. She’s a cutie. Her and the other dog, Sal, are the reason why working out is fun. I need one of my own.

Had a boxing sesh with L. I don’t mean I punched him, I mean we trained….anyway, had many problems navigating the gate afterwards which resolved in a lengthy, well executed plan of escape. I, for one, would never make a good climber…

Drove all the way to Asda tonight to fill the car up with petrol only to come face to face with a load of scaffolding and a digger in the forecourt. Was not happy. Should have gone to my beloved Tesco….

Do you ever have one of those nights where you just cant sleep no matter what you do? I thought I’d be out as soon as my head hit the pillow at around 11pm but no…..four hours on and I’m still laid there cursing the normal people who are dreaming…i think I fell to sleep eventually around 5am and drifted into a horrible dream. I was walking into my bathroom and there was water on the floor so I had to come away, then I noticed a horrible smell and looked down to see that ‘water’ was actually acid and had turned my foot black and was slowly burning away at my skin. It was absolutely horrible! Then I was suddenly on a balcony overlooking a stormy sea, throwing in rose petals from a bunch of wilting roses in my hand and feeling incredibly lost and alone. After waking up, I couldn’t shake the feeling of this dream so decided to look up what it meant. it made for interesting reading…

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Wilting Roses: ‘To see withered roses in your dream, signifies death or the parting of a loved one.’

The Acid burning skin: ‘To dream of your skin, represents protection or shield of your inner self. It serves as a physical boundary and how close you let others get to you.’

To dream that your skin is covered with rashes or other skin deformity, signifies your fear in facing a harsh reality. ‘

The Stormy Sea: ‘The sea may represent the unconscious and your dream may show that you are now ready to explore the intuitive and instinctive aspects of yourself.

The condition of the sea may depict the way you are feeling. For example, a stormy sea may indicate that you feel angry about something or threatened by forces outside of your control.’

Feeling lost and Alone: ‘Dreams about the ocean are strong signals from the unconscious mind. If you dream of being lost or alone at sea, you are unsure about your feelings for a certain person and feel alone in the situation. A stormy sea suggests confusion and anxiety in the dreamer.’

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Heavy night, huh?