What a busy day today has been! I have spent the majority of the evening cooking in preparation for tomorrow. Maybe I put way too much effort into things but then again if I didn’t do that, it wouldn’t be me. I just hope that everything turns out perfectly again. If it rains I will definitely not be too happy!

Had an hour of sleep this afternoon and I had the strangest collection of dreams ever. Before I explain the dreams, I have to firstly enlighten you on a conversation F had about her 25 year old boyfriend DF with our friend B. It went like this;

DF had gone to B’s to visit and the TV was on. Suddenly, DF was completely tuned in and appeared not to hear a single thing…

F: “He does this all the time! I have to limit his TV intake as he just switches off and ignores me!”
B: “You limit his TV?”
F: “Yes, to an hour and a half a day. Unless I need to get some college work done then I just sit him in front of the TV and put Narnia on.”

So she literally places him in front of the TV like a toddler in order to keep him entertained whilst she”s busy! He’s 25! Hello?!

Anyway, about the dream…I dreamed that my housemate’s aunty came over to the room I’d moved into in place of her niece. She wanted to use the en-suite but I explained she couldn’t. She then proceeded to open a very private letter of mine and climb into my bed to read it at which point I started shouting at her to get out of my room. She protested and said, “But I’ve just warmed my toes up!” I called my housemate down to aid me and then her niece also popped into the picture, rolled her eyes towards her aunty and exclaimed, “oh no! She’s drunk again!” which is when I noticed the empty litre bottle of Newcastle Brown (old school eh?) in her hands. Then we had a wrestling match on as she was swiftly, if a little messily, evacuated out of my room. Then the dream switched to me driving my car home with C and J in the back. My hair was soaking and J was pestering to stop by at the park to eat a McDonalds, I refused due to my hair and when we returned home, C was at a loss at how to entertain J for the afternoon. I breezily replied, “Why don’t you just put Narnia on for him?” And then, I woke up! How strange!

Is it really all too much to expect a little bit of adult conversation in class? Not the X rated adult type that I was dealt, but more of the mature well thought out flowing conversation one might come to associate with taking a higher education course.

After enduring a painful hour of listening to idiots speaking about “fisting” (totally crass and unnecessary in a ladies company), smoking weed, old cartoons and who’s “rooting” who, I had really had just about enough! What kind of idiot pairs a lady with three hooligans? I shall kick them all into touch before semesters out, I don’t wear 6 inch heels for nothing. However, saying that, thank God for the time arriving where I could jump in my car and escape to the boutiques of my street and whittle my time away looking at sparkling jewels, delicate cupcakes and erm…pervy white van men. Oi Oi! Oh well, escape is too much to ask it seems. Holla at yo boy!

Had to wait around for a long time in Costa for a large Earl Grey to go due to a huge crowd building at the till and difficulty in squeezing through. Bless the Barista who took it upon himself to fight the rabid beasts to deliver my tea safe and sound…What ho peasant! Bringeth the beige nectar to me! How delightful.

I’m actually very impressed with myself this afternoon as I have devoted a very long time to reading up on current affairs and reading into the Cultural delights this City has to offer. Driving back the other day, I’d forgotten how much the city skyline takes my breath away at night. Truly beautiful. I intend to take full advantage of the pretty lights with D on Wednesday with a special picnic.

In other news, I interviewed for a job today. The strange thing was I had to video myself on my very own webcam talking about…yours truly. What is the etiquette for recording oneself? Show a little toothy smile or pout demurely? Look directly into the camera at all times or to coyly look away once in a while? Be bubbly and enthusiastic like a daft Labrador or be serenely mysterious? I was not sure so I did what any respectable self assured young lady would do…tried a bit of everything. Step aside ladies, this ones on me. It was not until I had sent the application that I noticed the whip and feather boa hanging in the background to my right…C’est la vie!

Have you ever had those special moments that you’ve desperately not wanted to end? Ever? How about a whole long weekend full of those moments? To say I’ve had the most perfect weekend of my life would be a severe understatement.
This weekend I:
1. Threw a surprise 21st Party for D
2. Cried. A lot. (But over what a lovely time we had)
3. Drank way too much Champagne, Cocktails, Wine & Whisky…
4. Danced like an absolute bitch on heat
5. Met lots of lovely, funny, people
6. Got accosted by many Asian men (“Ay B, you is lookin’ fresh innit?”)
7. Got hammered by killer heels
8. Failed to notice a man running after me and shouting me to stop at the Pay Box at a Country Park
9. Had a couples massage with D and an elbow to the arse (anybody who’s had one of these will understand very well)
10. Used a Sauna & Steam room for the first time
11. Carried his Lordship (aka the boyfriend) like a true lifeguard
12. Pulled a Spa Member in his bright blue goggles
13. Had lots of sleepy time in a big comfy hotel bed
14. Paddied about dinner
15. Introduced D to Croissants and Waffles
16.  Had an amazingly perfect time

I really am amazed at how perfect everything turned out. I feel almost as if everything has all been some kind of euphorical dream and that when I wake up in the morning, there will be no knowledge of it even happening. I can’t thank everybody involved enough and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy from the bottom of my heart. What’s the biggest thing I did this weekend? Fallen in love all over again…

The weather over the past few days has been absolutely beautiful, that beautiful that I took to the park with D and the puppy for a picnic. Ended up meeting a few more canine friends as they came up to our blanket to have a sniff around at the McDonalds bags (sorry dogs, too late!) and size up (or down) my chi chi. There’s nothing more discomforting than having a huge, heavy breathing white doggie face suddenly appear between you both to cries of “NO CHARLIE!!!!” in the distance…

Anybody who’a had a personal trainer will understand me when I say that there’s a real Love Hate relationship going down between the two of you. Hate when they’re in your face shouting, “COME ON! PUSH! BREATHE OUT!” (Mate, I’m not in labour here. I’m on a bloody exercise bike!) and Love when you feel the ‘walking on air’ benefit afterwards. I’m determined to get in shape for the all important special someone’s birthday next weekend but really, how many stones can you shed in a week? Better get on the speed foods and doing overtime on the treadmill!

It’s unreal how much I’m stressing over the whole thing. Sleepless nights, beauty regimes and attention to detail are just the tip on the iceberg.

On a lighter note, I managed to conquer my fear of stand up sunbeds today. Proud, much? Yes, I may have dragged my mum into the tanning booth with me, yes I may have made her stand there and coach me throughout the torturous 4 minutes of ray blasting, but I did it! Finally! This brings me on to something that really confused me, people who use tanning beds will understand what I mean but what on earth is the point of the tiny eye covers the spa give you that hold the name…wait for it…Winkies?! I obviously understand that they need to be worn to protect the eyes, but they’re about as effective as spitting at a whale. Tiny golden stickers that you’re meant to push into a conical shape and wear in a way not dissimilar to the single eye glass sported by the Duke in Cinderella. They literally make you look like a prat. Standing there naked wearing golden cones in your eyes…somebody must be having a right laugh somewhere.

My afternoon was not nearly as satisfying as my morning: it’s safe to say that my puppy is no Lassie when you’re in a spot of bother. I knocked myself out earlier today by standing up and banging my head on a window (idiot strikes again) and woke up to the puppy running around me yapping with glee. She obviously thought it was an amazingly fun game of playing dead. As I tried to stand up with blurred vision and a throbbing head she took to biting my fingers as hard as she could and ragging my sleeves. Sigh.

After spending all afternoon in bed sleeping, I’m still nowhere near clear of the throb in my head and what’s even worse is that a huge moth just landed on my hand whilst I’m sat here typing. Yes, just now! Admittedly, I just had the biggest spaz attack ever and am now sat in fear of the beasts return. This will definitely be a sleepless night…

I decided the other day that I’d have a full day of spa-like pampering complete with a hair mask and homemade face and body mask. It was only ever meant to be a facemask to start with – full of natural yoghurt, honey and a dash of milk but soon enough I found myself stood in the bathroom, not dissimilarly to John Wayne, looking like I was ready to be popped in the oven and roasted at 180 for an hour and a half. I was literally honey glazed…like a big fat piece of ham. But now I am proudly sporting silky smooth skin. Bothered? Nope.

Which complete and utter idiot thought it would be good to mix tequila with red, white and rose wine last night? Oh yes, that idiot would be me. How is it that a simple outing for lunch turned into one of the alcohol fuelled nights that leaves more than just a bitter taste in your mouth? After waking up in cow print pyjama bottoms and a top that read ‘Satisfaction Guaranteed’ (this was hilarious actually with the state of my face, satisfaction…don’t be bloody daft you must be having a giraffe) I felt the familiar pound of a sore head. All I can say is literally thank the Lord for a Lancôme skincare routine and my Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat. Oh and copious amounts of English Breakfast Tea and jam on toastie loaf. I am never drinking again, (lies) well, at least never mixing everything up again (more lies). Oh…stuff it. Have you ever felt seriously hungover that you really could not manage to even drag yourself out of the bath? My God, I felt like I was climbing a huge bubbly mountain, not even getting started on the washing my hair part. Today has not been a good day.

Anyway, to leave things on a brighter pondering note, I heard this question today: can you still say “put it where the sun doesn’t shine” on a nudist beach? Interesting, very interesting!